drift fleet | inbox;

[frigidaire]

Hey, this is Isaac. Leave a message, I guess.

Comments

audio → text; i'm sorry

[feathery]

[The following dubious material is rapped. Or rather it starts out spoken normally (monotonously) before it turns into a rap.]

There's a polar bear
In our Frigidaire—
He likes it 'cause it's cold in there.
With his seat in the meat
And his face in the fish
And his big hairy paws
In the buttery dish,
He's nibbling the noodles,
He's munching the rice,
He's slurping the soda,
He's licking the ice.
And he lets out a roar
If you open the door.
And it gives me a scare
To know he's in there—
That polary bear
In our Fridgitydaire.

[And then he switches to text.]

hey so happy birthday
congrats on a new milestone you have officially aged in accordance to space fleet rules
or maybe not its not like i know what month it was when they kidnapped you
maybe youre cheating and having a second bday in like four months
lets get food

[frigidaire]

what is wrong with you
that rap was so weird. was that rap?
are you a performance poet?

i may have gotten something that looks and smells like chinese but i am a little worried it might actually be alien babies or eggs or something.

and yeah. thanks. lets get safe and less creepy birthday food.

[feathery]

i got it out of a book
havent you ever heard of shel silverstein
come on man show a little cultural awareness
that sounds pretty fucking gross though
pics or gtfo

[frigidaire]

i hated english class.
i threw that weird chinese away.
not even kidding it had worms in it.
but i got this instead, it's pretty good.

[ attachment. ]

want one?

[feathery]

and i never made it far enough for english class to be a thing
didnt you ever get subjected to a boy named sue they played that on the radio sometimes
but what is that why is it purple
are you sure thats edible and your brain hasnt already been corrupted by chinese worms
maybe thats where they really went instead of the trash

[frigidaire]

so you didnt go to school then
if you never got to english class.
there is always english class.
and i dont know what it is, its purple
and its delicious and its my birthday
so if i have chinese space worms at least ill die happy.

[feathery]

im a middle school dropout who didnt even get his ged
but dude you know they have medication for that
we need to get you to a vet stat

[frigidaire]

you're a bird dude. who needs a ged.
i do not need to go to a vet, i dont have weird space worms.
i bought you a donut on my birthday so
be grateful bird brains or ill eat yours.
and they're awesome.

[feathery]

thats a donut??????

[He thought it was a muffin...]

[frigidaire]

that's what the sign said.
it tastes pretty good, pretty donuty.
dont know why its purple tho. left yours by your door.
lets hope newton doesnt eat it.

[feathery]

by the door
really
what was your backup plan if i wasnt on the ship
and im just pointing out we have a thing called "knocking"

[frigidaire]

yeah by the door.
i mean if you didn't find it
i guess newton would have gotten an early dinner.
it can't hurt him. he ate one of my socks again.

[feathery]

just because werewolves can eat baked goods doesnt mean foxes can
do you know how much that furry asshole cost i cant go replacing him with a new one if anything happens
and this is without factoring in the emotional devastation jade would experience which is a classification unto itself
basically what im saying is dont give the fox non fox approved food
this includes socks

[frigidaire]

yeah well it's not like i gave him my socks.
he found his way into my room and has torn things apart.
i woke up yesterday with fox butt in my face. he won't leave me alone.
a muffin won't hurt him.
or whatever it is. wont waste your precious bird dollars.

[feathery]

at least you dont have any extra appendages to chew
anyway speaking of finding things
isnt that what youre supposed to do as the birthday guy
receive gifts of dubious value or whatever
or is it different in california

[frigidaire]

uh yes birthdays usually means getting presents
i got myself a space muffin or something.
that counts, but its pretty different from california.

[feathery]

buying your own presents defeats the purpose of a present
just putting that out there man
what happened to all your grandiose plans to party or whatever it is werewolves do in outer space

[frigidaire]

our money got frozen and we were on a weird space station
turns out working makes partying hard.
what gonna throw a dance party and play all my favorite songs
thought not.

[feathery]

hypothetically i could have when i had that dj gig
but sucks to be you since your birthday is today instead of a week ago
i dunno does turning 18 mean anything in space its not like anyone cares about employing seven year olds

[frigidaire]

i dont think it means anything unless you want it to.
im happy with my weird space muffin.
but a seven year old working? seriously?

[feathery]

you never get to give me shit for skipping my last three birthdays or however many its been at this point ever again
but yeah nanako asked me for a work reference
thats pretty dodgy right

[frigidaire]

i think you mean illegal.
but i dunno i wouldnt stop her.
i wouldn't want to fight her.
she'd win.

[feathery]

i told her to run a lemonade stand instead
i guess her brother is here or something though
so
i dont know
she said she asked him for a reference too

[frigidaire]

yeah her brother is here somewhere.
and apparently is ok with all of it.
he just lets her wander off.
lemonade stand was the best idea you had?
on a space station?

[feathery]

and what brilliant idea would you have given a seven year old with limited resources
like even fewer than usual seeing how all our bank accounts are still frozen