drift fleet | inbox;

[frigidaire]

Hey, this is Isaac. Leave a message, I guess.

Comments

[feathery]

[Internal screaming.]

jesus
dont talk to me about maggot pickles
or even the potential of maggot pickles
i cant tell what some of this shit is they could totally be maggots
huge maggots
fuck
what happened to keeping containers of pickled dead things for display only

[frigidaire]

whoa are you being serious right now
you cannot eat a pickle maggot dude.
are you tempted?
if you're making weird eyes at the maggots then you need to back away slowly.
so i can come knock some sense into you.

[feathery]

omfg no
im not eating a pickled maggot
especially not when its like the size of a fucking coke can
oh my god what if it really is a maggot
what the fuck produces a maggot that big

[frigidaire]

dude we're in space
i don't ask those questions.
if its really a maggot you need to get the hell out of there.
if predator vs alien taught me anything it is that.

[feathery]

its not a maggot jesus christ dude

[OR HE WAS PRETTY SURE until Isaac filled his head with doubts. Isaac, you motherfucker.]

there are no maggots on the premises
everything is blissfully maggot free
there isnt even anything wriggling in the punch bowl

[feathery]

SHIT
theres something wriggling in the punch bowl

[frigidaire]

what the hell
what is this place
i thought you said the pickles were normal
why would there be something in the punch.
you're probably just seeing things.
go get water or something that is not punch.

[feathery]

the pickles were normal until you made them stop being normal
same goes for the punch
this is all your fault
im never texting to ask if you want food again

[frigidaire]

i didn't make them do anything.
you said they looked like maggots.
please bring me food. even if it's maggot pickles.
i tried to make something today while everyone was gone and it went very wrong.
there's karma for you.

[feathery]

oh god what did you do

[frigidaire]

nothing.
not really.
okay so some stuff blew up i didn't mean to.

[feathery]

isaac
dude
i know this is probably a dumb question
but bear with me for a minute here

[feathery]

ok you ready
here goes

[feathery]

how the actual
ever loving fuck
did you manage to pull that off

[frigidaire]

well so blender need lids.
like heavy duty lids.

[feathery]

correct me if im wrong but
didnt you grow up in a household where kitchen appliances were used for actual kitchen appliance purposes

[frigidaire]

yeah i did.
but i wasn't always a werewolf with super human strength either.
so.

[feathery]

sometimes the realization that i consider statements like that a practically normal thing to say makes me wonder where i went wrong in my life
and then i remember i was paradox cloned from my bro and non teen mom by my best friend in a fuckin video game lab and sent back in time to grow up on earth
in texas of all fucking states
so i guess the truth is i fucked up from the dawn of the first day
houston didnt foresee this problem

[frigidaire]

okay so i didn't know all of that.
are you drunk on worm punch or something.
i am so confused.

[feathery]

booze doesnt work on sprites remember
or it probably doesnt who knows im not standing in line or paying for bar access to find out

[frigidaire]

yeah but it's maggot booze. that's different.
but whatever. are you gonna bring me food after you dance or whatever.
i cleaned up the mess but i didn't get food.
the blender might be broken, btw.

[feathery]

im not drinking maggot booze oh my fucking god
im also not dancing
im kind of just here because jade didnt want to go by herself and she promised me free food

[Who keeps getting sidetracked from the whole point of his initial text? This question is rhetorical.]

[frigidaire]

yeah and you acted like you were gonna bring me free food when you were done.
you can't lie to be about food dude.
but you should dance it's a masquerade right. dancing's pretty fun.

[feathery]

fine dude ill make sure i bring you a doggie bag
dancings not really my thing though
i guess im not sure parties are my thing in general like this is
honestly kind of awkward
before asgard id never been to a party
at least not the kind you see in movies featuring a shitload of people youve never met before
there kind of werent enough humans left for that after earth took an armageddon meteor shower to the face
and most npcs dont have the conversational acumen for a lengthy chat unless you just wanna make reptile noises for a while
some of them make ok listeners but its not the same as being in a room full of honest to god 100% legit human beings who talk to you face to face and not through a chat client filled with multicolored text
or uh
near humans
humanoids?
i dunno a bunch of two legged assholes with roughly similar biological templates
not that i had legs before hel decided id make a fine addition to her house of psychopaths but whatever
trading your legs for a ghost butt really puts a damper on dancing btw
and pretty much anything else involving them
like you never really think about how awesome running is until you cant anymore even if flying is a pretty sweet perk as far as randomly endowed powers go
better than getting fucked up by a moon once a month thats for sure

[Please make him stop rambling.]

[frigidaire]

uh. bird dave are you okay?
pretty sure you're still going.
whats up dude.