drift fleet | inbox;

[frigidaire]

Hey, this is Isaac. Leave a message, I guess.

Comments

[feathery]

is that really a question youre asking me after the maggot pizza debacle

[frigidaire]

i don't know man
do you prefer maggot pickles

[feathery]

[Internal screaming.]

jesus
dont talk to me about maggot pickles
or even the potential of maggot pickles
i cant tell what some of this shit is they could totally be maggots
huge maggots
fuck
what happened to keeping containers of pickled dead things for display only

[frigidaire]

whoa are you being serious right now
you cannot eat a pickle maggot dude.
are you tempted?
if you're making weird eyes at the maggots then you need to back away slowly.
so i can come knock some sense into you.

[feathery]

omfg no
im not eating a pickled maggot
especially not when its like the size of a fucking coke can
oh my god what if it really is a maggot
what the fuck produces a maggot that big

[frigidaire]

dude we're in space
i don't ask those questions.
if its really a maggot you need to get the hell out of there.
if predator vs alien taught me anything it is that.

[feathery]

its not a maggot jesus christ dude

[OR HE WAS PRETTY SURE until Isaac filled his head with doubts. Isaac, you motherfucker.]

there are no maggots on the premises
everything is blissfully maggot free
there isnt even anything wriggling in the punch bowl

[feathery]

SHIT
theres something wriggling in the punch bowl

[frigidaire]

what the hell
what is this place
i thought you said the pickles were normal
why would there be something in the punch.
you're probably just seeing things.
go get water or something that is not punch.

[feathery]

the pickles were normal until you made them stop being normal
same goes for the punch
this is all your fault
im never texting to ask if you want food again

[frigidaire]

i didn't make them do anything.
you said they looked like maggots.
please bring me food. even if it's maggot pickles.
i tried to make something today while everyone was gone and it went very wrong.
there's karma for you.

[feathery]

oh god what did you do

[frigidaire]

nothing.
not really.
okay so some stuff blew up i didn't mean to.

[feathery]

isaac
dude
i know this is probably a dumb question
but bear with me for a minute here

[feathery]

ok you ready
here goes

[feathery]

how the actual
ever loving fuck
did you manage to pull that off

[frigidaire]

well so blender need lids.
like heavy duty lids.

[feathery]

correct me if im wrong but
didnt you grow up in a household where kitchen appliances were used for actual kitchen appliance purposes

[frigidaire]

yeah i did.
but i wasn't always a werewolf with super human strength either.
so.

[feathery]

sometimes the realization that i consider statements like that a practically normal thing to say makes me wonder where i went wrong in my life
and then i remember i was paradox cloned from my bro and non teen mom by my best friend in a fuckin video game lab and sent back in time to grow up on earth
in texas of all fucking states
so i guess the truth is i fucked up from the dawn of the first day
houston didnt foresee this problem

[frigidaire]

okay so i didn't know all of that.
are you drunk on worm punch or something.
i am so confused.

[feathery]

booze doesnt work on sprites remember
or it probably doesnt who knows im not standing in line or paying for bar access to find out

[frigidaire]

yeah but it's maggot booze. that's different.
but whatever. are you gonna bring me food after you dance or whatever.
i cleaned up the mess but i didn't get food.
the blender might be broken, btw.

[feathery]

im not drinking maggot booze oh my fucking god
im also not dancing
im kind of just here because jade didnt want to go by herself and she promised me free food

[Who keeps getting sidetracked from the whole point of his initial text? This question is rhetorical.]

[frigidaire]

yeah and you acted like you were gonna bring me free food when you were done.
you can't lie to be about food dude.
but you should dance it's a masquerade right. dancing's pretty fun.